Today I was overcome by the surpising realization that I still get nervous about first dates. That feeling of spending an hour or two with a complete stranger never dissapears no matter how many dates I go on. Going through the same motions expecting a different outcome some would call stupid. yet every day milions of people meet someone hoping for a connection.
It seems it was almost easier when we were younger and had no pressure or expectations but truly were looking to have fun with someone. Now we try to truly give that person a chance but we can't help pick up on not feeling a connection or pet peeves we may have the person does. Meanwhile we hear the voice of our parents or our happily relationshiped friends saying "Give him a chance".
Then there is the multiple options out there. You wonder if you should settle for someone that seems like they will do or if you should hold your playing hand hoping for that winning card. We have such a high rate of divorces today. Part of that can be due to not wanting to put the work in but alot also has to do with the feeling that there are so many other people out there in the world. The ease of connecting with someone by sending a quick email.
I wonder if many people get into their early to mid 30's realize their perfect person hasn't been met and go for the next acceptable candidate. The he has potential or he seems nice. Then there is those that keep waiting for that perfect person, and later realize they were too picky or their expectations were too high.
Woman are having more and more independance with each decade pasisng. They are waiting longer and longer to have kids. Unlike many generations we are given 5, 10, 15 years, to have our "me" time after we graduate college, yet we still have trouble finding that recipe for that person we want to end up with.
Online dating has done away with true blind dates. We see the person's picture, read their profile, talk on the website, email, and text. By the time we meet we have expectations. No matter how many friends I talk to none have said oh he was much better than I expected! For most, they are dissapointed yet the virtual matchmaker continues to grow at a high rate as the years go one.
Alas...what's a girl to do..?
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Is Technology making Dating more Difficult?
I remember watching the Jetson's growing up thinking about how much easier life would be if I only had a robot to help clean my room. As time went on I realized how much quicker it was to find out the answer to a question with a computer instead of having to go to the library and look through the card catalog and multiple books to find out the same infomation. But now I wonder is technology making life, specifically dating any easier?
A friend of mine recently gave me an update on the guy whom had not only asked for her number but almost slipt and fell while being our waiter since he was staring so hard at her. He asked for her number and they talked until he had to to back to work. They had been texting and emailing since then. So far so good right?..yes I though the same util he asked her if she had time in her schedule that week to..oh no, not go go on a date..well not an in person one at least..to skype with him. He works four blocks from her house and he asks to skype!
Then another friend called me all excited that she felt real potential with the online guy she had been talking to. I asked her why? She said after months of emails, im's, and facebook messages they were finally going to meet. This was a big step the in person meeting. Years ago that was the FIRST step.
This past week I was setting up a first date. It took over an hour via text message. A phone call would have taken five, maybe ten minutes.
This got me thinking about something that has grown into a modern day dating ritual. Has our practice of the concept of updating your facebook status to dating as a public way of showing you are serious about the person the modern version of getting pinned in the 1950's? We no longer have to have men call our house on the one landline or ask for our parents hand in marriage. We no longer have chaperones as they did years ago. Yet dating takes just as long if not longer to meet someone.
We are able to meet people and within 10 minutes of talking to them have researched then on facebook, linkedin, and twitter. So why does it take so long for us to feel that we truly know a person? What is the point of sending a text message saying hi and when the other person writes back hi the conversation ends?
I'm sure that technology has its positives when it comes to dating such as all those couples that may have never met and those long distance relationships that are stronger now that they can physically see the person before they go to bed, but I wonder how we can uncomplicate the technology of dating in the modern age.....
Perhaps these days everything is at our fingertips, except another's heart....
A friend of mine recently gave me an update on the guy whom had not only asked for her number but almost slipt and fell while being our waiter since he was staring so hard at her. He asked for her number and they talked until he had to to back to work. They had been texting and emailing since then. So far so good right?..yes I though the same util he asked her if she had time in her schedule that week to..oh no, not go go on a date..well not an in person one at least..to skype with him. He works four blocks from her house and he asks to skype!
Then another friend called me all excited that she felt real potential with the online guy she had been talking to. I asked her why? She said after months of emails, im's, and facebook messages they were finally going to meet. This was a big step the in person meeting. Years ago that was the FIRST step.
This past week I was setting up a first date. It took over an hour via text message. A phone call would have taken five, maybe ten minutes.
This got me thinking about something that has grown into a modern day dating ritual. Has our practice of the concept of updating your facebook status to dating as a public way of showing you are serious about the person the modern version of getting pinned in the 1950's? We no longer have to have men call our house on the one landline or ask for our parents hand in marriage. We no longer have chaperones as they did years ago. Yet dating takes just as long if not longer to meet someone.
We are able to meet people and within 10 minutes of talking to them have researched then on facebook, linkedin, and twitter. So why does it take so long for us to feel that we truly know a person? What is the point of sending a text message saying hi and when the other person writes back hi the conversation ends?
I'm sure that technology has its positives when it comes to dating such as all those couples that may have never met and those long distance relationships that are stronger now that they can physically see the person before they go to bed, but I wonder how we can uncomplicate the technology of dating in the modern age.....
Perhaps these days everything is at our fingertips, except another's heart....
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Top Tips to Making and Keeping your New Years Goals
First off, I am not a fan of the resolution process. I believe that most of the time all you do is take your new years high and ruin it by forcing yourself to make promises half of which you totally forget a week later. Saying this, there are definetly things I want to improve on in my life. So how to go about this and not feel like a failure the following year?
1. Be realist- Rome wasn't built in a day and you won't lose 15 lbs in a week.
2. Start small- If you start small it will be like climbing a small hill instead of a mountain. For example, I am going to start running once a week. Yes this doesn't sound so amazing but it's a small goal from my zero times a week.
3. Pick one goal- If you pick more than one you will get caught in the whirlwind and accomplish none.
4. Get a calendar-Put a smily face or check mark everytime you do something positive towards the goal. Put an x everytime you so something negative. If possible write down what you did as well.
5. Find a cheerleader-Pick someone that will help you celebrate your successes and help coach you when you fall away from the goal.
6. Reward yourself!-This doesnt have to be anything huge just something small to recognize what you have accomplished. A chocolate bar a new ring etc.
7. Don't do it to do it!- Don't just pick a goal because you feel it's a new year and you have to. Do this because you truly feel you can accomplish the goal
8. Have a timeline not a deadline-Most things in life take longer than we would like them to do so. It's ok if you haven't accomplished this goal by a certain date, what matter is that you accomplish it at all.
9. Don't only set goals at the beginning of the year- Many people tell themselves that the year is half over or almost done why start a new goal now. Don't make excuses as soon as you accomplish one goal celebrate. Then make the next one!
Have confidence! You need to believe you can accomplish the goal before anything can happen. It's a New Year reader! Go conquer the world one small step at a time! I truly hope 2012 is a wonderful year for all of you!
.
1. Be realist- Rome wasn't built in a day and you won't lose 15 lbs in a week.
2. Start small- If you start small it will be like climbing a small hill instead of a mountain. For example, I am going to start running once a week. Yes this doesn't sound so amazing but it's a small goal from my zero times a week.
3. Pick one goal- If you pick more than one you will get caught in the whirlwind and accomplish none.
4. Get a calendar-Put a smily face or check mark everytime you do something positive towards the goal. Put an x everytime you so something negative. If possible write down what you did as well.
5. Find a cheerleader-Pick someone that will help you celebrate your successes and help coach you when you fall away from the goal.
6. Reward yourself!-This doesnt have to be anything huge just something small to recognize what you have accomplished. A chocolate bar a new ring etc.
7. Don't do it to do it!- Don't just pick a goal because you feel it's a new year and you have to. Do this because you truly feel you can accomplish the goal
8. Have a timeline not a deadline-Most things in life take longer than we would like them to do so. It's ok if you haven't accomplished this goal by a certain date, what matter is that you accomplish it at all.
9. Don't only set goals at the beginning of the year- Many people tell themselves that the year is half over or almost done why start a new goal now. Don't make excuses as soon as you accomplish one goal celebrate. Then make the next one!
Have confidence! You need to believe you can accomplish the goal before anything can happen. It's a New Year reader! Go conquer the world one small step at a time! I truly hope 2012 is a wonderful year for all of you!
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