At six month before turning 30 I have decided not to focus so much on what should, would, or could be. Recently hearing the tremendous amount of coverage on Whitney's life made me wonder. Why do people care so much? Yes she was a celebrity. But when you watch the awards shows at the end of the year you realize how many celebs pass each year.
To me it's because each of sees ourselves in her. I'm not going to say she was perfect and made all the right choices but then again...how many of us do?
Instead I am focusing on what I believe she did...finding small things to look foward, embracing what makes you special: love, family, dreams and above all strength... I have my countdown of how many days until I see an old friend or how many days until a vacation I an looking foward to experiencing. More and more I realize you need to take care of yourself just like you would your kids or associates.
I may not know exactly where I want to be in five years...well to be honest I don't even know where I want to be in in a year or some days a month from now. But I know I want to be happy. Perhaps that begins in baby steps in having reasonable expectations, taking it one day at a time. At the end of the day, YOU need to be your biggest cheerleader you need to appreciate the small stuff because people stopped patting you on the back years ago.
To me there is a big difference between looking straight and looking foward. Change is very difficult for me but recently friends have shown me it is possible even if it means hurting those you love along the way you need to do only what you can handle. It's important to not feel bad about asking for help. Sometimes the right person can be your angel when you really need one and make you realize your not that different than themselves.
People used to call me a social butterfly or a bumble bee. I loved people unconditionally no matter how much they hurt me and truly wanted to do whatever it took to make people's lives better. Then life events caused me to distance myself from close relationships and it became a self actualizing philosophy. I believed people were going to hurt me or dissapear on me and I tested people who I loved the most to see their response, test the strength of their friendship. And it made me realize I'm not as strong as I used to be, but like Whitney no matter my hardships I want to live, like tiny tim I believe that people are good at heart and life is meant to be experienced as hard as it can be...and that is why I am now focusing on what can doing whatever it takes to make MY life better...
And with that....I look foward and hope for the best....and I send that same sentiment out to all of you.
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