You know you live on Miami Beach when..

As I close the book on my Miami chapter, at least for now I think back to what surprised me the most when I moved here. When I started to realize Miami was changing me, now for the better or worse that's not for me to decide. So to those first few years I dedicate this blog. Miami thank you for never being boring for attracting characters that always make us secretly impressed by their confidence to be who they really are in their hearts. I once was told you attract alot of lost souls. That may be true but we somehow find each other and I for one was found. Thank You for making me feel normal, well liked, and confident something I desired to experience. Everyone warned me against you but you took me under your wing and wouldn't let me go. Thank You for surprising me with amazing people when I least expected it and showing me there was alot more to you than many people think. Top 20 Miami Beach Observations: 20. You can't handle quiet for long as you are so used to every restaurant, store, bar, pharmacy, gas station having a dj. 19. You get somewhere 10 min late and are considered early. 18. As soon as you park you have your credit card ready to pay for parking even for the library and supermarket. 17. You've stopped being surprised when the smell of weed hits you as soon as you enter a club or see two girl rub their nose as they take way too long in the bathroom when you are waiting cross legged on line. 16. You stop wondering how so many people are at the mall, supermarket, beach at 2pm on a Monday. 15. Going out on a Tuesday is totally normal and you no longer shake your head in disbelief when the place is packed. 14. You start to talk in doorman lingo like its your native language and feel accomplished when you crack their code. You look at people that try to let themselves out of a velvet rope club as crazy. Did you see they tried to touch the rope themselves?? What if the bouncer saw? You slowly see your outfits getting more and more risque but don't even question it because its so normal. 13. You never understand people that ask how you know you've reached the ocean when driving. You wonder why so much construction has to be done at the same time and always when you need to get somewhere and why your gps was not informed. 12. You no longer listen or look up when you hear multiple accents at the same time and you try to live down your shame you only know one language, You stop playing the where are you from guessing game because the answer is always Cuba, South America, or NY. 11. You will think you have seen it all until you go to a party and girl deliberately wears a short skirt with no underwear or be at a pool party and the guy stuffs his pants or walk on Lincoln and see the girl in the tight gold bathing suit and heels at 8pm. 10. Being in miami you may have a job but being a professional race car driver is your career. You start to change how you drive and don't realize it until someone is next to you in the car praying for their life as you quickly make a you turn for that parking spot or abruptly avoid the driver that has decided the off ramp is now an on ramp. 9. You feel a slight psychotic sense of accomplishment when you find a parking spot at 2am on a saturday night and even almost stick your tongue out at the car behind you doing a super bowl touch down dance my spot spot bam take that! 8. Without realizing it you start to speak in spanish while at stores and restaurants, when you start to dream in spanish then you get worried. You no longer think all the signs in two languages are unique and take it as normal. 7. You see nothing wrong with filling a water bottle up with vodka before you head out. That's like $100 worth of shots at the club. 6. No matter how many times you see the ocean you are still in awe, promise you will do the 3 block walk more often (that is why you moved right?) and fall asleep with the sounds of ocean drive in your ears. You secretly pretend you are on vacation and that work does not exist down the street..Actually, you have debated quiting your job and becoming a beach bum..They really do have the best real estate at the best price and you can learn to fold those grass flowers or collect coconuts. 5. No matter how short you think your skirt is once you leave the house you feel perfectly normal sometimes over dressed. I'll never forget my first halloween when I had a full fledged chef costume and after the first costume party realized it wasn't about the costume but about the amount of skin one could legally show. 4. Which leads me to the supermarket dress code or lack thereof. Where else but in miami can you see shirtless beach dudes mixed with single ladies in heels and tight outfits mixed with moms who look like there is no way theu ever had a child mixed with guys in suit and ties and no one blinks an eye? 3. During the holidays feeling tempted to valet your car at the mall and think swoop, 25 cent buses, and scooters are normal ways of transportation anywhere 2. Thinking a city 30 minutes away is another country and way too far to drive just for one night. 1. Instead of reading the NY Times you read the New Times with your breakfast. When you get to the sexual advice columns and the oriental massage ads you decide you need another cuban coffee.