As we reflect....

From experiencing loss and heart breaks, I know as time goes on that your memories of that day of tragedy start to fade. The day when your whole world changed is still there but the memories are not as strong. For many of us in college and high school on September 11, 2001, that was the day we all grew up. Sure we may have still played flip cup and used our bedroom doors as beer pong tables but part of us was changed forever. September 11 would become like December 25 or February 14 a day we would hear and no longer just be a day on a calendar but be so much more. This date grew to have a heavy meaning to it much heavier than the Tuesday we didn't feel like sitting through a two hour class.

I remember.....I remember praying that our EARLY 10am class would be canceled the night before after drinking way too much and bonding with our new roomates, suitemates, and  boyfriends. And then it was.

What sticks with me today surprisingly are not the horrific images we all watched on tv that day. Instead it was the raw emotion and energy we all felt. No matter where we were in the world or in the country for that matter we felt connected. People's hearts were ripped out of their chest. As I looked around today seeing students study and couples date I noticed how no more than 30 seconds went by before they looked at their cell phone or computer. Amazingly 12 years ago when something  indescribably bad happened we did not go to our gadgets for comfort instead we went to each other. We went for hope, we went for hugs. When we could not contact our loved ones via the phone we did not have the choice to facebook them, or send a text message. Instead we just had to wait, hope, and pray. Hoping the concern from across state lines and oceans would be enough to protect those we cared about most.

Even today when the world wide web and wifi are everywhere even in the remotest villages, even today when we believe we can google any question we may have there is still so much we don't know so much we can not control. What amazes me is how the heart has a way of remembering the good much more than remembering the bad. Somehow the good stays with you and the bad slowly slips away.

The amazing thing is you may forget what you saw but you never forget how it made you feel. We all remembered having to ask our parents where they were when jfk was shot when we learned about it school. That tuesday in 2001 we didn't know exactly what happened but we knew it was big. We knew one day we would be telling our children and now although many of us do not believe it those kids are here and we can only hope they never have to tell a similar life experience story to their kids one day.

I am blessed that most of the people I spent that blur of the week with I am still in touch with. And similar to that day we were reminded that the present truly is a gift and we never know what may happen to shake up our world. I remember hearing so many stories about people's siblings not much older than myself that had studied hard like I was doing, gotten the job of their dream and now were missing.

Last year I made the effort to visit both the Marriott Financial Center and the site of the towers being built. I reflected on how grateful I was to be given the chances I have had even though I have made many mistakes along the way and how many people involved were not much older or even younger than I myself am today. The day I went was a beautiful day much like that morning was in 2001 and you could almost feel the souls speaking to you to never forget.

So Class of 2004 as you start the fall of 2013, I hope you are happy wherever you are in life. Embrace those opportunities you have been given whether it is the city or job of your dreams, travels you will always remember, kids, nieces, and nephews, husbands and wives, nights you will never forget and days you never wanted to end.  The freedom to have those experiences came at a high cost. But we still live and we still remember.

To all of you thank you for supporting my blog and other endeavors. It's never too late to take a risk and I know those brave souls both the survivors and the lost would be believing in the idea of believing in yourself no matter what may come. Live and Love that is my message for today.

Are women really liberated?

Our great grandmothers, grandmothers and mothers fought hard so women would have the right to vote, the right to work in careers previously deemed only suitable for men, receive higher education, the choice to wear clothes and music that they chose and to make their own decisions in regards to their sexual health and pregnancy. We like to brag and feel pride that we have so much more than generations before us. But do we really? How free is the female gender?

I know these women truly thought they were not only improving their lives but generations to come. So why do I bring up this topic today in 2013? Aren't we independent? We pay our own bills, have our own cars and apartments, plan our days and goals. Often we go weeks even months without a date without any assistance from a man and we get by just fine.

I spent two days this weekend with two girlfriends. One I met years ago at 25 and one I met two days ago. While we hung out this weekend on separate days in different venues the conversation went back to dating and men. I could not help but think to myself: Imagine the impact we could have if we bottled up the time and energy we spend analyzing men's actions. "I texted him a smiley face did that scare him off? What if I wore blue instead of red maybe then he would be contacting me?"  and poured it into examining ourselves? What makes you happy? What are your goals? What are your dreams? And they are not alone every day millions of girls including myself try to strike freedom and independence from guy's approval and not understanding when they do not act as we wish.

Later that evening, I poised the question to a new guy I have been spending time with. Why do guys no longer make the effort? We had a long talk and he seemed to think that girls worked so hard to gain independence that guys now want just that an independent woman that doesn't care if he texts because she is too busy running her own crusade. Will the supreme court next be hearing about Sue vs. Sue, the independent woman I am in all areas expect those of the heart? How do we take the world by storm and show woman how many hours they spend worrying about men when those men are only becoming stronger as they don't have to fight so hard for independence from obstacles of the heart?

Are we really still hunters and gathers? Men hunting the woman just  to have options and for woman to gather opinions about their un answered text messages? Will human kind be able to survive this new age world of internet dating and disappearance text messaging? Have we become too big brother having the power to follow our crushes every move on facebook, twitter, and online dating venues? As spiderman said, with great power comes great responsibility. So please the next time you're into someone and they aren't making the effort just let them go. Have we come so far just to regress?

Nature vs. Nurture...Love another four letter word. In the end it all comes down to choice. Rule love and dating or let it rule you. And remember the  most important thing is to love yourself. If you do the rest will follow..

Ten Things I didn't believe or didn't know at 21 but ring true at 31

Dear 21 year old Sue, Congrats after all those years of fake and chalked ids, after a semester in England where you kept expecting to get carded for being under 21 and never did you are finally legal! Here's a note from your 31 year old self you have no idea what is in store.
10. You will be just as excited to show the bouncer your id when you turn 31 as you felt on the night you turned 21.
9. Yes, your energy will not last forever. You will get tired so live it up dance all night while you still can! You will understand why your parents fell asleep and rarely made it through the 10 o'clock news
8. That guy you are crying over today really isn't worth your tears nor will you remember why he made you cry
7. People will still struggle in 2013 to find a name for those years from 2000 on.
6. Dancing never gets old. It just gets earlier, in your own club called "Mi Casa", and the dress code is very strict pajamas and no shoes.
5. Each year really will go by quicker and quicker. Some of your most happiest moments will be mixed with the saddest/most challenging ones. The game of life you once played will become scarily real as you car fills up with more people pegs and careers
4. The growth of technology may be what will define your generation; hey it could have been disco, poodle skirts, equality, drugs, rock and roll But no it's the number of friend requests you have and the dating texting games instead
3.Your 20's will go by in the blink on an eye. And NO being in your 30's is NOT old!
2.You will wonder how your parents ever managed to be parents to more than 1 kid at a younger age than yourself and without apps, texting, and the internet!
1. What doesn't kill you really will make you stronger. Not everyone you will be good but the ones that are will make it all worth it.

All friends need not be created equal, but be judged upon the content of their character. That and only that determines the strength of a friendship.

My moving to Miami was never supposed to be a long term investment. Instead it was supposed to be my "gap year" my year between college and the real world. I decided what place other than disney world would be best for me to do something so completely out of character no one believed I would really do it.

Miami! My sister stated "Bad things happen there" Miami!" My mom said how about west palm beach if you really want to move" Miami! My college friends said how about manhattan? Miami? My older brother said " You're not going there! No way! I know what happens there"

But I had a dream, while many others taught in china for a year or joined the peace corps my dream was to spend a few months warming up from the cold NY winters and I'll admit it to rebel to go somewhere no one could imagine me in.

I promised myself I'll be home soon but you need to push your limits and so there I went. With my suitcases I flew down on a cold January day similar to this one. I kissed my friends goodbye walked off the plane and immediately felt the florida sunshine and said ok here we go here's my adventure.

I didn;t care what I did for work after all this was temporary. I found a minimum wage job and said heck it's adventure so I'll eat a lot of ramen I've done it before. I remember working at an event and one of my coworkers said oh so how long do you plan to be here. I said 6 months I'm NOT staying here, this is just my gap year. He said  6 months? I said that 10 years ago and I'm still here.

I shook my head knowing when I put my mind to something it would happen and said I'm not staying. I just wanted a new experience.

But then the unthinkable happened. I made friends. A city is just a bunch of buildings without having people to explore it all. I decided the "experience" met making a friend or two and started to organized events and introduce myself hoping I would find what I had left at home: down to earth intelligent non superficial people in all places, Miami Beach. This was one of those examples of be careful what you put out in the universe. I thought I'd make a friend or two but at one event 50 people came! I'd go places and feel like a celeb as people would be like Sue! Sue! and tell me they met me a month ago at an event. It was what I had dreamnt about since I was a little girl: overnight popularity. Still though something was missing, the whole time I would compare them to my friends in NY and wish my NY friends were with me. Enjoying myself but knowing it wasn't the same without them.

Years later I remembered that old coworker and feeling like I failed as I was still here. I never felt the new friendships measured up because I didnt know everything about their families and lives, and didnt have the chance to stay up all night talking about everything and anything. In many ways what had broughts us together was necessity, not knowing anyone else and having to start over in a new city. Through wild nights of drinking, flirting, and partying, numerous brunches and various other activities I always saw them as people to do things with. Truly believing it wasnt the same types of friendships as I had in NY. I didn't understand why post college friendships were not the same as the college ones.

I was 22 then, 8 years later at 30 I am alot wiser now. I have seen those friends through job loss, marriage, divorce, and beautiful babies. They have sat on the floor and cried with me as I lost those I loved and celebrated with me when I got promoted or that cute guy finally called. Making friends after college is hard. You don't have the same time or the same opportunities as you do when you are in high school or college. The relationship is a different one but that does not mean it is a bad or unimportant one. Slowly I took for granted those people would be in my life and although every year I told them this is the year! This is the year I'm moving! They knew well enough that miami had become my home and even when it is not they would still care about my happiness no matter where I ended up in the world.

As cities go, friends move. As those friends I was so desperate to make moved they would hug me goodbye and tell me how I had changed their life. I had moved down with selfish intentions and stayed with selfish intenations. I had no intention to change someone's life or give them the frienships they were seeking so badly. But everytime I would become speechless.

It's a heavy weight to realize that you never truly know the affect you have on someone. Asking about their day, smiling, even a text can make an impact.

I wanted so badly for my friends here to be the friends I left that I never realized that although they were not those people they would bring new lessons, new experiences, new advice that I could only get from my miami friends. Friendships can not be compared. There is no better or worse no more or less important. There is just that understanding that no matter how long it has been since you spoke, no matter what words have not been spoken, you care about each other no matter what. Trust the people in your life, they are there for a reason.

Amongst the shots, and the morning after stories, true friendships were being made. I truly wish I had been wise enough to see it value it, and hold it close to my heart. Sometimes just knowing you love your friends is not enough sometimes you need to tell them and hold them close and never let them go no matter how they came into your life, they came in and slowly crept into your heart. And sometimes your heart knows best. Much of my strength I got from them knowing that the one thing they had in common with my NY friends was that they didn't judge me. They loved me for the kooky person I was even if I danced a little too much like Elaine on Seinfeld.

I dedicate this to my fallen angel, whom I didn't want to admit how much I would miss her when she moved, and avoided akward conversations because I knew how much it would hurt me how scary it would be for me to have these conversations because I would have to accept that these people I spent my days with were no longer activity partners but instead life long friends. With friendships comes a whole new level of responsobility. I had come here to have a good time for a few months to dance and hang out with people not to bond. I had forgotten the words of the song "In good times, and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more" After the bad times I had been through of losing family members, of losing my innocence, I focused on the good times to keep myself going. I avoided bad times at all times and only would hang out with positive people. I saw a change in you and did not want to accept it as you were my strength.  I debated not talking to you as much but, Martha I kept seeing you the past few months, because it would break my heart to not hold your hand even if I couldn't muster up the courage to ask you to share. And yes readers, I know how selfish this sounds. It was a struggle to be happy and I wanted to keep things light for the both of us. Sadly, in the silences this was much darkness felt which I didn't know how to respond to. I was scared to believe in the strength of our friendship knowing if I pushed too hard I could lose you. When you see a bird with a broken wing you want to help them but are afraid you startle them they may never fly again.  Everyone says you made a choice. Well I made a choice too, a choice to not open my soul up and become attached to people. My way of dealing with the hurt I had been dealt was to only loosely be attached. I believed by only loosely being attached, of only sharing good times with my friends I would not feel loss as much if one day we stopped talking or they moved or they made a new friend.

Now I know the loss is only worse when you avoid attachment. I truly wish I could have been the friend you were to me. To believe in me when I didn't believe in myself. To give advice out of the blue even when not asked and to know how to subtely overstep boundaries showing you cared without making me feel uncomfortable. I never thought I'd look at my window so much hoping you'ld just "stop by" and then immediately ask about my life and let me know how you saw me. Now I look at the window only wanting to give you a hug and let you know I'll do anything to heal your pain. I always felt like you were wise beyond your years because you knew the importance of friendships and others. You had sadly learned this lesson before anyone should experience such tragedy "I will always remember my brother Jimmy, and one way that I honor him is to not take my life or the people that I have in my life for granted. I am very thankful for each day that I have.

You could have made the same choice I did after a loved one's death. To limit your heartfelt interractions. Instead you chose to embrace life making friends with people from all around the world. No matter how short of time people had with you they felt your light.

 I will always remember your texting me the following: Maybe you knew I would need them sos one day:

 

"Know that how you feel and what you are thinking are not wrong in any way. You will work through your thoughts and feelings and come out okay on the other side. I did."

Somehow you always knew what to say, and to me that is your legacy all the amazing friends you left behind, and the beautiful words you always said. You had been through more than I can imagine and I am truly amazed how you continued to trust and open yourself up to others no matter the cost. I only wish I can one day do the same.

Stuck in the Middle

Dear Readers,

I know you may be wondering what ever happened to that stravelista girl? Did she turn into a mime over halloween never to speak again?

Well I'm happy to tell you I'm still here planning my travels daily dreaming of places as I continue my daily routine.

Today I'm stuck in the middle between the life I used to lead and the life many of the people in my age group have started to lead. I know you shouldn't compare yourself to others and everyone has their time. I just wish I had a sign or a compass for life. Something that would gear me in one direction or the other. What do you do when you are no longer interested in nightclubs, random hook ups, living on gut instinct, but don't have the desire for houses, mortages, babies, and the like?

As the saying goes I don't know where I'm going I just know where I've been. I had a long time in which I regretted all the things I have not done and then I realized sometimes you need to give up some dreams for others..but what happens when you no longer dream?

At work recently I was asked what do you want? Where do you want to go? Everyone else in the room had a plan with a specific goal. Me? My answer you ask? To be happy. Such a simple statement but so hard to accomplish.

I look at the girl that came down here with a dream, inspired by the Kelly Clarkson song to make a wish, take a chance, and breakaway. And I wonder how at 22 things were so much clearer than they are right now. I have stopped looking back and now wake up everyday as a new chance but a chance at what?

I guess it's something hard for me to conquer because I was always the person that knew exactly what they wanted and would go for it and usually get it. Want to become a cheerleader but had no rythm and had a knack for tripping over my shoes? Practiced, practiced till my mom dreamnt of my cheers. Want all A's? Studied till I feel asleep on my books at the kitchen table. Liked that cute guy? Kept making eye contact and passing notes till he finally kissed me. Wanted to get to school with no help from my parents? Walked every step of the way even though it took twice as long.

I'm not one to give up BUT its hard to get somewhere if you don't know where that is. When will I feel as I did that day walking along the ocean as I will realized my dream had become a reality? How to achieve something when you don't know what you are looking for?

I guess you have to trust, trust that good things happen to good people and one day this, much like many days and experiences will just be a distant memory a snapshot in the collage they call life.

And with that readers, I only wish you moments that make your photo album fuller with stories to fill your future with joy.

Tribute to turning 30

As a new year begins, I have taken a few minutes to think about what I have learned in the past three decades....

1.       You can’t make everyone happy-The more you try the less happy you will make yourself. This is not to say not to be good to others but be better to yourself.

2.       Sometimes you just have to say no. This is not always easy but often people will just ask and take until you no longer allow it.

3.       No one will give you anything. You need to ask for it. It’s much easier for people to keep things as they are until you decide what you want and don’t settle for anything less

4.       Things will work themselves out the more time you spend analyzing and trying to figure it out the worse it is.

5.       Life will change. As much as you feel you have a lot of time you don’t. If you want to do something to do it you have many years to make up for it.

6.       There is a lot you will never experience, a lot you will never see. Appreciate what you have seen and done as we can’t all have it.

7.       Everyone has a story, a past.

8.       Forgive yourself first. You are probably a lot harder on yourself than others are on you.

9.       Have a goal. Without an end point you will never get there.

10.   Savor the moment. Take a moment to stop and look around. Travel. Explore.

11.   Remember what is important. Work will always be there tomorrow.

12.   Google doesn’t always have the answer.

13.   Be careful who you confide in

14.   Your true friends will be there no matter what, even if you don’t think you deserve it

15.   Every day is a new day. Wake up and try not to let the frustrations of tomorrow interfere with today.

16.   You never know who is watching and admiring you.

17.   Sometimes the most difficult choices are the most important ones.

18.   Take a moment out to look at old pictures. Remember who you once were. Imagine who you want to be.

19.   Remember accomplishments aren’t always moving mountains

20.   Always keep those you love close to your heart

21.   Positive energy can produce much more than negative energy will

22.   Keep things in perspective, this too shall pass

23.   Remember its ok to change

24.   People will leave you and you will be forever changed

25.    Things won’t always happen when you expect them to

26.   Live life with your heart but also your brain

27.   Breathe

28.   You have touched more lives than you realize

29.   It’s ok to still not have it all figured out

30.   One day you’ll look back and wish you were the age you are right now and think about how much easier life was then. Take what you can from each day and move on.

Dear Reader, What are the biggest lessons you have learned?

Looking Foward....

At six month before turning 30 I have decided not to focus so much on what should, would, or could be. Recently hearing the tremendous amount of coverage on Whitney's life made me wonder. Why do people care so much? Yes she was a celebrity. But when you watch the awards shows at the end of the year you realize how many celebs pass each year.

To me it's because each of sees ourselves in her. I'm not going to say she was perfect and made all the right choices but then again...how many of us do?

Instead I am focusing on what I believe she did...finding small things to look foward, embracing what makes you special: love, family, dreams and above all strength...  I have my countdown of how many days until I see an old friend or how many days until a vacation I an looking foward to experiencing. More and more I realize you need to take care of yourself just like you would your kids or associates.

I may not know exactly where I want to be in five years...well to be honest I don't even know where I want to be in in a year or some days a month from now. But I know I want to be happy. Perhaps that begins in baby steps in having reasonable expectations, taking it one day at a time. At the end of the day, YOU need to be your biggest cheerleader you need to appreciate the small stuff because  people stopped patting you on the back years ago.

To me there is a big difference between looking straight and looking foward. Change is very difficult for me but recently friends have shown me it is possible even if it means hurting those you love along the way you need to do only what you can handle. It's important to not feel bad about asking for help. Sometimes the right person can be your angel when you really need one and make you realize your not that different than themselves.

People used to call me a social butterfly or a bumble bee. I loved people unconditionally no matter how much they hurt me and truly wanted to do whatever it took to make people's lives better.  Then life events caused me to distance myself from close relationships and it became a self actualizing philosophy. I believed people were going to hurt me or dissapear on me and I tested people who I loved the most to see their response, test the strength of their friendship. And it made me realize I'm not as strong as I used to be, but like Whitney no matter my hardships I want to live, like tiny tim I believe that people are good at heart and life is meant to be experienced as hard as it can be...and that is why I am now focusing on what can doing whatever it takes to make MY life better...

And with that....I look foward and hope for the best....and I send that same sentiment out to all of you.