All friends need not be created equal, but be judged upon the content of their character. That and only that determines the strength of a friendship.

My moving to Miami was never supposed to be a long term investment. Instead it was supposed to be my "gap year" my year between college and the real world. I decided what place other than disney world would be best for me to do something so completely out of character no one believed I would really do it.

Miami! My sister stated "Bad things happen there" Miami!" My mom said how about west palm beach if you really want to move" Miami! My college friends said how about manhattan? Miami? My older brother said " You're not going there! No way! I know what happens there"

But I had a dream, while many others taught in china for a year or joined the peace corps my dream was to spend a few months warming up from the cold NY winters and I'll admit it to rebel to go somewhere no one could imagine me in.

I promised myself I'll be home soon but you need to push your limits and so there I went. With my suitcases I flew down on a cold January day similar to this one. I kissed my friends goodbye walked off the plane and immediately felt the florida sunshine and said ok here we go here's my adventure.

I didn;t care what I did for work after all this was temporary. I found a minimum wage job and said heck it's adventure so I'll eat a lot of ramen I've done it before. I remember working at an event and one of my coworkers said oh so how long do you plan to be here. I said 6 months I'm NOT staying here, this is just my gap year. He said  6 months? I said that 10 years ago and I'm still here.

I shook my head knowing when I put my mind to something it would happen and said I'm not staying. I just wanted a new experience.

But then the unthinkable happened. I made friends. A city is just a bunch of buildings without having people to explore it all. I decided the "experience" met making a friend or two and started to organized events and introduce myself hoping I would find what I had left at home: down to earth intelligent non superficial people in all places, Miami Beach. This was one of those examples of be careful what you put out in the universe. I thought I'd make a friend or two but at one event 50 people came! I'd go places and feel like a celeb as people would be like Sue! Sue! and tell me they met me a month ago at an event. It was what I had dreamnt about since I was a little girl: overnight popularity. Still though something was missing, the whole time I would compare them to my friends in NY and wish my NY friends were with me. Enjoying myself but knowing it wasn't the same without them.

Years later I remembered that old coworker and feeling like I failed as I was still here. I never felt the new friendships measured up because I didnt know everything about their families and lives, and didnt have the chance to stay up all night talking about everything and anything. In many ways what had broughts us together was necessity, not knowing anyone else and having to start over in a new city. Through wild nights of drinking, flirting, and partying, numerous brunches and various other activities I always saw them as people to do things with. Truly believing it wasnt the same types of friendships as I had in NY. I didn't understand why post college friendships were not the same as the college ones.

I was 22 then, 8 years later at 30 I am alot wiser now. I have seen those friends through job loss, marriage, divorce, and beautiful babies. They have sat on the floor and cried with me as I lost those I loved and celebrated with me when I got promoted or that cute guy finally called. Making friends after college is hard. You don't have the same time or the same opportunities as you do when you are in high school or college. The relationship is a different one but that does not mean it is a bad or unimportant one. Slowly I took for granted those people would be in my life and although every year I told them this is the year! This is the year I'm moving! They knew well enough that miami had become my home and even when it is not they would still care about my happiness no matter where I ended up in the world.

As cities go, friends move. As those friends I was so desperate to make moved they would hug me goodbye and tell me how I had changed their life. I had moved down with selfish intentions and stayed with selfish intenations. I had no intention to change someone's life or give them the frienships they were seeking so badly. But everytime I would become speechless.

It's a heavy weight to realize that you never truly know the affect you have on someone. Asking about their day, smiling, even a text can make an impact.

I wanted so badly for my friends here to be the friends I left that I never realized that although they were not those people they would bring new lessons, new experiences, new advice that I could only get from my miami friends. Friendships can not be compared. There is no better or worse no more or less important. There is just that understanding that no matter how long it has been since you spoke, no matter what words have not been spoken, you care about each other no matter what. Trust the people in your life, they are there for a reason.

Amongst the shots, and the morning after stories, true friendships were being made. I truly wish I had been wise enough to see it value it, and hold it close to my heart. Sometimes just knowing you love your friends is not enough sometimes you need to tell them and hold them close and never let them go no matter how they came into your life, they came in and slowly crept into your heart. And sometimes your heart knows best. Much of my strength I got from them knowing that the one thing they had in common with my NY friends was that they didn't judge me. They loved me for the kooky person I was even if I danced a little too much like Elaine on Seinfeld.

I dedicate this to my fallen angel, whom I didn't want to admit how much I would miss her when she moved, and avoided akward conversations because I knew how much it would hurt me how scary it would be for me to have these conversations because I would have to accept that these people I spent my days with were no longer activity partners but instead life long friends. With friendships comes a whole new level of responsobility. I had come here to have a good time for a few months to dance and hang out with people not to bond. I had forgotten the words of the song "In good times, and bad times, I'll be on your side forever more" After the bad times I had been through of losing family members, of losing my innocence, I focused on the good times to keep myself going. I avoided bad times at all times and only would hang out with positive people. I saw a change in you and did not want to accept it as you were my strength.  I debated not talking to you as much but, Martha I kept seeing you the past few months, because it would break my heart to not hold your hand even if I couldn't muster up the courage to ask you to share. And yes readers, I know how selfish this sounds. It was a struggle to be happy and I wanted to keep things light for the both of us. Sadly, in the silences this was much darkness felt which I didn't know how to respond to. I was scared to believe in the strength of our friendship knowing if I pushed too hard I could lose you. When you see a bird with a broken wing you want to help them but are afraid you startle them they may never fly again.  Everyone says you made a choice. Well I made a choice too, a choice to not open my soul up and become attached to people. My way of dealing with the hurt I had been dealt was to only loosely be attached. I believed by only loosely being attached, of only sharing good times with my friends I would not feel loss as much if one day we stopped talking or they moved or they made a new friend.

Now I know the loss is only worse when you avoid attachment. I truly wish I could have been the friend you were to me. To believe in me when I didn't believe in myself. To give advice out of the blue even when not asked and to know how to subtely overstep boundaries showing you cared without making me feel uncomfortable. I never thought I'd look at my window so much hoping you'ld just "stop by" and then immediately ask about my life and let me know how you saw me. Now I look at the window only wanting to give you a hug and let you know I'll do anything to heal your pain. I always felt like you were wise beyond your years because you knew the importance of friendships and others. You had sadly learned this lesson before anyone should experience such tragedy "I will always remember my brother Jimmy, and one way that I honor him is to not take my life or the people that I have in my life for granted. I am very thankful for each day that I have.

You could have made the same choice I did after a loved one's death. To limit your heartfelt interractions. Instead you chose to embrace life making friends with people from all around the world. No matter how short of time people had with you they felt your light.

 I will always remember your texting me the following: Maybe you knew I would need them sos one day:

 

"Know that how you feel and what you are thinking are not wrong in any way. You will work through your thoughts and feelings and come out okay on the other side. I did."

Somehow you always knew what to say, and to me that is your legacy all the amazing friends you left behind, and the beautiful words you always said. You had been through more than I can imagine and I am truly amazed how you continued to trust and open yourself up to others no matter the cost. I only wish I can one day do the same.

Stuck in the Middle

Dear Readers,

I know you may be wondering what ever happened to that stravelista girl? Did she turn into a mime over halloween never to speak again?

Well I'm happy to tell you I'm still here planning my travels daily dreaming of places as I continue my daily routine.

Today I'm stuck in the middle between the life I used to lead and the life many of the people in my age group have started to lead. I know you shouldn't compare yourself to others and everyone has their time. I just wish I had a sign or a compass for life. Something that would gear me in one direction or the other. What do you do when you are no longer interested in nightclubs, random hook ups, living on gut instinct, but don't have the desire for houses, mortages, babies, and the like?

As the saying goes I don't know where I'm going I just know where I've been. I had a long time in which I regretted all the things I have not done and then I realized sometimes you need to give up some dreams for others..but what happens when you no longer dream?

At work recently I was asked what do you want? Where do you want to go? Everyone else in the room had a plan with a specific goal. Me? My answer you ask? To be happy. Such a simple statement but so hard to accomplish.

I look at the girl that came down here with a dream, inspired by the Kelly Clarkson song to make a wish, take a chance, and breakaway. And I wonder how at 22 things were so much clearer than they are right now. I have stopped looking back and now wake up everyday as a new chance but a chance at what?

I guess it's something hard for me to conquer because I was always the person that knew exactly what they wanted and would go for it and usually get it. Want to become a cheerleader but had no rythm and had a knack for tripping over my shoes? Practiced, practiced till my mom dreamnt of my cheers. Want all A's? Studied till I feel asleep on my books at the kitchen table. Liked that cute guy? Kept making eye contact and passing notes till he finally kissed me. Wanted to get to school with no help from my parents? Walked every step of the way even though it took twice as long.

I'm not one to give up BUT its hard to get somewhere if you don't know where that is. When will I feel as I did that day walking along the ocean as I will realized my dream had become a reality? How to achieve something when you don't know what you are looking for?

I guess you have to trust, trust that good things happen to good people and one day this, much like many days and experiences will just be a distant memory a snapshot in the collage they call life.

And with that readers, I only wish you moments that make your photo album fuller with stories to fill your future with joy.

Tribute to turning 30

As a new year begins, I have taken a few minutes to think about what I have learned in the past three decades....

1.       You can’t make everyone happy-The more you try the less happy you will make yourself. This is not to say not to be good to others but be better to yourself.

2.       Sometimes you just have to say no. This is not always easy but often people will just ask and take until you no longer allow it.

3.       No one will give you anything. You need to ask for it. It’s much easier for people to keep things as they are until you decide what you want and don’t settle for anything less

4.       Things will work themselves out the more time you spend analyzing and trying to figure it out the worse it is.

5.       Life will change. As much as you feel you have a lot of time you don’t. If you want to do something to do it you have many years to make up for it.

6.       There is a lot you will never experience, a lot you will never see. Appreciate what you have seen and done as we can’t all have it.

7.       Everyone has a story, a past.

8.       Forgive yourself first. You are probably a lot harder on yourself than others are on you.

9.       Have a goal. Without an end point you will never get there.

10.   Savor the moment. Take a moment to stop and look around. Travel. Explore.

11.   Remember what is important. Work will always be there tomorrow.

12.   Google doesn’t always have the answer.

13.   Be careful who you confide in

14.   Your true friends will be there no matter what, even if you don’t think you deserve it

15.   Every day is a new day. Wake up and try not to let the frustrations of tomorrow interfere with today.

16.   You never know who is watching and admiring you.

17.   Sometimes the most difficult choices are the most important ones.

18.   Take a moment out to look at old pictures. Remember who you once were. Imagine who you want to be.

19.   Remember accomplishments aren’t always moving mountains

20.   Always keep those you love close to your heart

21.   Positive energy can produce much more than negative energy will

22.   Keep things in perspective, this too shall pass

23.   Remember its ok to change

24.   People will leave you and you will be forever changed

25.    Things won’t always happen when you expect them to

26.   Live life with your heart but also your brain

27.   Breathe

28.   You have touched more lives than you realize

29.   It’s ok to still not have it all figured out

30.   One day you’ll look back and wish you were the age you are right now and think about how much easier life was then. Take what you can from each day and move on.

Dear Reader, What are the biggest lessons you have learned?

Looking Foward....

At six month before turning 30 I have decided not to focus so much on what should, would, or could be. Recently hearing the tremendous amount of coverage on Whitney's life made me wonder. Why do people care so much? Yes she was a celebrity. But when you watch the awards shows at the end of the year you realize how many celebs pass each year.

To me it's because each of sees ourselves in her. I'm not going to say she was perfect and made all the right choices but then again...how many of us do?

Instead I am focusing on what I believe she did...finding small things to look foward, embracing what makes you special: love, family, dreams and above all strength...  I have my countdown of how many days until I see an old friend or how many days until a vacation I an looking foward to experiencing. More and more I realize you need to take care of yourself just like you would your kids or associates.

I may not know exactly where I want to be in five years...well to be honest I don't even know where I want to be in in a year or some days a month from now. But I know I want to be happy. Perhaps that begins in baby steps in having reasonable expectations, taking it one day at a time. At the end of the day, YOU need to be your biggest cheerleader you need to appreciate the small stuff because  people stopped patting you on the back years ago.

To me there is a big difference between looking straight and looking foward. Change is very difficult for me but recently friends have shown me it is possible even if it means hurting those you love along the way you need to do only what you can handle. It's important to not feel bad about asking for help. Sometimes the right person can be your angel when you really need one and make you realize your not that different than themselves.

People used to call me a social butterfly or a bumble bee. I loved people unconditionally no matter how much they hurt me and truly wanted to do whatever it took to make people's lives better.  Then life events caused me to distance myself from close relationships and it became a self actualizing philosophy. I believed people were going to hurt me or dissapear on me and I tested people who I loved the most to see their response, test the strength of their friendship. And it made me realize I'm not as strong as I used to be, but like Whitney no matter my hardships I want to live, like tiny tim I believe that people are good at heart and life is meant to be experienced as hard as it can be...and that is why I am now focusing on what can doing whatever it takes to make MY life better...

And with that....I look foward and hope for the best....and I send that same sentiment out to all of you.

Has mr. he'll do taken the place of mr. right?

Today I was overcome by the surpising realization that I still get nervous about first dates. That feeling of spending an hour or two with a complete stranger never dissapears no matter how many dates I go on. Going through the same motions expecting a different outcome some would call stupid. yet every day milions of people meet someone hoping for a connection.

It seems it was almost easier when we were younger and had no pressure or expectations but truly were looking to have fun with someone. Now we try to truly give that person a chance but we can't help pick up on not feeling a connection or pet peeves we may have the person does. Meanwhile we hear the voice of our parents or our happily relationshiped friends saying "Give him a chance".

Then there is the multiple options out there. You wonder if you should settle for someone that seems like they will do or if you should hold your playing hand hoping for that winning card. We have such a high rate of divorces today. Part of that can be due to not wanting to put the work in but alot also has to do with the feeling that there are so many other people out there in the world. The ease of connecting with someone by sending a quick email.

I wonder if many people get into their early to mid 30's realize their perfect person hasn't been met and go for the next acceptable candidate. The he has potential or he seems nice. Then there is those that keep waiting for that perfect person, and later realize they were too picky or their expectations were too high.

Woman are having more and more independance with each decade pasisng. They are waiting longer and longer to have kids. Unlike many generations we are given 5, 10, 15 years, to have our "me" time after we graduate college, yet we still have trouble finding that recipe for that person we want to end up with.

Online dating has done away with true blind dates. We see the person's picture, read their profile, talk on the website, email, and text. By the time we meet we have expectations. No matter how many friends I talk to none have said oh he was much better than I expected! For most, they are dissapointed yet the virtual matchmaker continues to grow at a high rate as the years go one.

Alas...what's a girl to do..?

Is Technology making Dating more Difficult?

I remember watching the Jetson's growing up thinking about how much easier life would be if I only had a robot to help clean my room. As time went on I realized how much quicker it was to find out the answer to a question with a computer instead of having to go to the library and look through the card catalog and multiple books to find out the same infomation. But now I wonder is technology making life, specifically dating any easier?

A friend of mine recently gave me an update on the guy whom had not only asked for her number but almost slipt and fell while being our waiter since he was staring so hard at her. He asked for her number and they talked until he had to to back to work. They had been texting and emailing since then. So far so good right?..yes I though the same util he asked her if she had time in her schedule that week to..oh no, not go go on a date..well not an in person one at least..to skype with him. He works four blocks from her house and he asks to skype!

Then another friend called me all excited that she felt real potential with the online guy she had been talking to. I asked her why? She said after months of emails, im's, and facebook messages they were finally going to meet. This was a big step the in person meeting. Years ago that was the FIRST step.

This past week I was setting up a first date. It took over an hour via text message. A phone call would have taken five, maybe ten minutes.

This got me thinking about something that has grown into a modern day dating ritual. Has our practice of the concept of updating your facebook status to dating as a public way of showing you are serious about the person the modern version of getting pinned in the 1950's? We no longer have to have men call our house on the one landline or ask for our parents hand in marriage. We no longer have chaperones as they did years ago. Yet dating takes just as long if not longer to meet someone.

We are able to meet people and within 10 minutes of talking to them have researched then on facebook, linkedin, and twitter. So why does it take so long for us to feel that we truly know a person? What is the point of sending a text message saying hi and when the other person writes back hi the conversation ends?

I'm sure that technology has its positives when it comes to dating such as all those couples that may have never met and those long distance relationships that are stronger now that they can physically see the person before they go to bed, but I wonder how we can uncomplicate the technology of dating in the modern age.....

Perhaps these days everything is at our fingertips, except another's heart....

Top Tips to Making and Keeping your New Years Goals

First off, I am not a fan of the resolution process. I believe that most of the time all you do is take your new years high and ruin it by forcing yourself to make promises half of which you totally forget a week later. Saying this, there are definetly things I want to improve on in my life. So how to go about this and not feel like a failure the following year?

1. Be realist- Rome wasn't built in a day and you won't lose 15 lbs in a week.

2. Start small- If you start small it will be like climbing a small hill instead of a mountain. For example, I am going to start running once a week. Yes this doesn't sound so amazing but it's a small goal from my zero times a week.

3. Pick one goal- If you pick more than one you will get caught in the whirlwind and accomplish none.

4. Get a calendar-Put a smily face or check mark everytime you do something positive towards the goal. Put an x everytime you so something negative. If possible write down what you did as well.

5. Find a cheerleader-Pick someone that will help you celebrate your successes and help coach you when you fall away from the goal.

6. Reward yourself!-This doesnt have to be anything huge just something small to recognize what you have accomplished. A chocolate bar a new ring etc.

7. Don't do it to do it!- Don't just pick a goal because you feel it's a new year and you have to. Do this because you truly feel you can accomplish the goal

8. Have a timeline not a deadline-Most things in life take longer than we would like them to do so. It's ok if you haven't accomplished this goal by a certain date, what matter is that you accomplish it at all.

9. Don't only set goals at the beginning of the year- Many people tell themselves that the year is half over or almost done why start a new goal now. Don't make excuses as soon as you accomplish one goal celebrate. Then make the next one!

Have confidence! You need to believe you can accomplish the goal before anything can happen. It's a New Year reader! Go conquer the world one small step at a time! I truly hope 2012 is a wonderful year for all of you!

.